Questions I often asked myself, under 4 years ago. Sitting at 280lbs give or take a pound or two, my heaviest being after I had my youngest and was closer to 300 than I was to 280lbs. Walking more and chasing a toddler had me down twenty pounds.
This blog is about how I felt at 280lbs, how I decided to change and how I started this incredibly hard and rewarding journey to 100 lbs down.
It was 2014, I didn’t start the new year with wanting to change myself, I didn’t have the resolution to eat less and move more. I remember walking into a store around February of that year and wanting to find jeans, never a fun time for most women anyway. This time, however, I didn’t know my size spending most of my time in track pants and anything that would fit, I knew my shirts were 2xl and sometimes 3-4xl dependent on the store. I was in the store and I thought I would try a 20… I couldn’t even struggle with them, so I went up to a 22- same result. I truculently reached for a 24 and they were snug, and I couldn’t do them up, I just couldn’t handle how I let myself get here, I put my track pants back on and walked out of the store. I didn’t cry outwardly, I didn’t show any emotion. I just remember how I felt and how I wished something would fit me, but I didn’t want to put any effort into it.
(Jeans that would have barely fit me when I started to about a year ago)
Another month passed, I was watching myself more critically. In April I woke up one random Wednesday morning, it wasn’t a Monday, it wasn’t the first of the month. I had my aha moment, I wrote down my measurements and I weighed myself- I wrote all these down. I researched what I should do, I went over and over different programs I found online. I was too heavy and too out of shape and I cut my diet in half too quickly, I became mean and I was unhappy. So, the next day I cut back on my portions, I added vegetables, I drank more water and I started walking. I could walk, and walk I did with my kiddo in the stroller for 1-3km at first which lead to a regular 5-8km. The first week I saw no change on the scale. I felt stupid like maybe this wasn’t for me, maybe I just wasn’t meant to be healthy, maybe my kids would have to have a morbidly obese dead mother. However thankful to Instagram I was able to look at other people’s transformations, I wanted so badly to have a story, a picture in the future that would be a transformation that could inspire others like these were for me.
I kept cutting out bad food, cut down sugar, cut out pop, cut my portions. I started tracking on My fitnesspal, I walked, and I did 20 mins or so of aerobics that I had on DVD. I had an unrelated injury and focused on healing that, moving to a safer location, and I focused on my diet. I revamped it to include vegetables, protein, complex carbs, and I drank water constantly. I was able to workout again in the fall of 2014, six months after I had started, and I had lost over 60 lbs by then. I bought small weights and I kept going, watching free videos and eating better and I kept walking. Just a couple months after my one-year mark I had lost 100 lbs. Who would have ever known? I didn’t I literally never thought I could have done anything, I thought that I would have to be morbidly obese forever. Now I still maintain that I have lost around 100 lbs. It is around 96-98 lbs lost but I will get to my goal, because I know I can.
Believe me, when I say you need to believe in yourself, I can count two people who were solidly there to push me a little bit if I needed it when I wanted to give up. Two people who I have never actually met. I can tell you that you can do this, but you have to want the transformation more than you want most things. Treat yourself, when you want that sweet thing or chips? Have them because otherwise, you won’t stay on track. Just don’t let it turn into a cheat week or month. You deserve rewards for non-scale victories, but you are not a dog- use other forms of reward that isn’t food. You must believe in yourself, you need to dedicate yourself and you need to remember that we all start somewhere.
Be The Inspiration
Self-Love ~ Health~ Change