We hear it more often than years ago, that mental health issues are on the rise, that people are reaching out for help more often. Which is possibly the best thing to happen in a long time, because of stigma against mental health issues- like it’s your fault? Is sad.
I wanted to write today’s blog about positivity, but how could I do so? When lately I haven’t been feeling very positive. I go through the motions of life. I go to bed after I have completed all the homework I can, I wake at 4 am to workout and then get myself and my kids ready for school, go to school, come back home and I do the mom life again till 830pm and then homework.
I can admit I am not ok, but its ok. Because I know deep down? I can get through anything. Over a year ago I left an abusive relationship and I never thought I would get to where I am at this moment, yet here I am. I will make a blog or three on the abuse aspect of my life, but it is not for today- I don’t have the energy.
I am a single mom, addicted to fitness or maybe I just need it to be able to breathe? I go to school full time, do all the chores, homework and try to tell myself I’m doing a good job.
I have a lot going on, but that is just life, right? It’s a fucking world wind. I will censor my blogs from time to time, but it’s a courtesy, it’s not how I am, I curse without realizing it.
I feel drained like we all have secret battery packs fueling us- that isn’t coffee, though that stuff is like gold. It feels like I missed the sign up to recharge my batteries and now I just move forward but feel like I am standing still. I go through the day, I do all I am supposed to, I go to therapy and counseling and deal with as much as I can.
I still feel joy, I still am happy. I have new feelings, that scares me because I am used to abuse, I am used to the pain, and I don’t know how to express yet what I feel without feeling stupid.
I am not depressed, I know what that feels like but this time I just feel I don’t know… not ok- and that is ok. People need to hear that more.
Are you overwhelmed? Me too- it’s ok!
Are you stressed? Me too- It’s ok!
Are you exhausted? Me too- It’s ok!
You feel lost, sad, or general blah? Me too- It’s ok!
I think we see, or at least I do these people put together on social media, and you think gee I must be one step off, because I am not that mom that puts notes in her kid’s lunches, I don’t hand in forms early or on time, and I certainly am not teaching them math and writing. But I do my 100% every day for those boys and if it makes me the hot mess mom I’ll take it.
I’m never going to be put together, its just not going to happen. Outside I appear that way apparently, inside I am a mess of beautiful chaos.
You know what? That’s ok.
Be The Inspiration
Selflove~ Health~ Change