Where are the funkin shoes?

Looking for shoes for kids, most parent’s hate this as is. With my little guy he only wants certain ones, I make it exciting… do you know how unexciting shoes really are? But make them believe they make you run faster, jump higher they give you powers! One day I will learn and buy a design of shoe that he falls for in every single size available. On a hunt to find these special funkin shoes, I haven’t searched yet, but I dread it already as they were bought over a year or two ago.

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The battles we choose as parents, you can’t fight every single one, otherwise, you will become consumed with frustration and need to cry a lot more. You aren’t a dragon slayer- pick the battles that mean the most. In my home it generally has to do with wearing shoes, hats have always been a battle- unless they are fedoras because who wouldn’t like a good fedora?

My child is adorable, he makes my heart smile, he makes me pull out my hair and sometimes I think about running away- the fact is I’d miss him, and he’d find me. He has autism and sensory issues that go along with that.

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I always knew something was different, I remember pushing the doctors to get answers. I remember all the tests, the intakes and the assessments. I will never forget sitting in the specialist’s office, when she handed me this giant binder and saying yes, he has autism- read this book and you will have a better idea.

I blamed myself, boy did I ever blame myself, I thought about my pregnancy and tried to find anything possible to blame myself. The letter came in about a month after, seeing it on paper- I cried, I wept. Not because he was different, its what makes him? Him. But for his future, the what ifs? The uncertainty, the ignorance of others that has made me quicker on my feet to answer in a sarcastic way. Then I pushed onward.

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“I love you” the three words you love to hear from your child, you almost need to hear them. He couldn’t and then wouldn’t because he didn’t see the need to, how he would benefit. He was four years old when I came home one day, and he said the three words I had been endlessly waiting to hear. It broke my heart and made it whole all in one minute. He doesn’t say it often, but when he does it makes me smile deeper than before.

At two I didn’t know why he had lost his speech, why it was so hard to get him to talk. These days you can’t get the kid to shut his pie hole, but he’s a gem. Kid’s say the darndest things? He could have his own season of the show. Sometimes he comes up with his own words for things and it takes me a couple days to understand what the heck he’s talking about.

Animals are his favorite thing in the world, next to me as he says. Not just dogs and cats, monkeys- orangutans and camels are his favorite and he wants to move to Africa.  The animals interest never fades, falters or becomes something that I don’t hear about daily. He builds different countries, different ecosystems within the walls of my apartment and they mean everything to him.

We have our fair share of meltdowns, sometimes they make sense, others not so much. The string is a definite thing in our lives, he must have 100 pieces but can never find one. I keep a bag of yarn on hand, so we always have a backup, I have never met someone so in LOVE with string. These little pieces of yarn can make him build, they feel his excitement when he can’t contain it within his little body and his hand’s flap in the air- so does that string.

When the clocks change, I dread it- generally, he has more meltdowns and hurts himself, banging the wall with his head or something hard. I always intervene because I can’t handle seeing him hurt himself and at least once a year I get a black eye. If it means his hard head is ok- I will always take that shiner.

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He has this blanket, well it is more of a rope these days, it was once a nice blanket. He calls it “Nuggie” and it must stay at home these days, as I have searched everywhere, putting out pleas worldwide to find the same blanket and to no avail. He can’t sleep without it, the blanket calms him down in a way I can’t. It has made it through his chewing phase which he is mostly past, but I fear the day I can’t save it anymore.

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual; wouldn’t that be kick-ass if it did? Kids on the spectrum just come with a different set of rules, each week is something new and a new challenge will pop up, but we roll with it and I do my best to roll with them.

My other son does well with him. He rolls with the challenges and tries to understand what is the wonder of the week. He is a Rockstar because he embraces the disabilities his younger brother faces, roll with the challenges and does his best to show him things in a different light.

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Here’s the biggest bottom line, this kid wakes up next to me daily, looks me in the eyes and thinks I’m the best. He looks up to me and thinks I am a hero. Funny thing is though, he’s my hero. He handles life better than most people do, he is strong and tough. The chaos of our life? Could swallow me whole but I wouldn’t have it any other way xo.

Be The Inspiration

Self-love~ Health~ Change

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