Food, isn’t it just easy when you think about it? Eat good – feel good right?
Eat like shit? You feel like shit. You plan your food and you are more successful, you don’t, and you plan to fail.
I don’t have a good relationship with food, I try hard for a bit and then I fall into an abyss and it’s not that I turn to crap food because I know how I feel when I eat crap- like crap. It’s that I go to the stop eating hole. I can drop down there and damn it feels like home! That’s not right, I know it is wrong. I know we all face different struggles, the person who binges- I have been there a few years ago when I took everything off the list to eat. The secret snacker? I feel you- I use to hide prior to kids even, just to eat snacks because my partner at the time told me I was fat. The person who meal preps like a boss- I give you mad props, I did the meal prep for awhile off and on for the last year. I am good at it, I can portion and weigh out my macros, so they are perfect. I’d rather starve, which I know messes up my progress I lead a life of 18 months never eating more than 1200 calories and doing the same workouts I do now.
It’s partially a fear of returning to being obese, I know it is. The biggest factor though? It’s the control, the control I have over how I feel, what I eat, what I track. I have a barrier I need to get through, I hate cooking. I hate it so much, so much so that when I left my ex-abusive partner? I didn’t cook for almost 6 months, we ate a lot of sandwiches and “living room picnics”.
You see he expected me to have dinner on the table when he was done work, not too soon because he needed a beer or three but not later because then it was my fault he was too drunk to eat. Funny though he never ate what I cooked, he would throw tantrums saying it wasn’t what he wanted, there wasn’t enough or my personal favorite he would just flip his plate, so dinner went everywhere while telling me I wasn’t good at anything and he’d order take out. Read that again. THAT is FUCKING insane. That had nothing to do with me at all, I can’t control how much another adult drink or eats or reacts. Do yourself a favor and save tantrums for toddlers because it’s ridiculous from adults and if anyone ever acted like that in my house again that wasn’t a kid- I’d kick them the fuck out of my house, my kids would be grounded they know I don’t play that way.
This has made me averse to cooking, I hate it so much. I need to get over it, I am trying. I have meal prep which I usually cook tilapia I am probably pickier than your average three-year-old. I pretty much hate chicken which is almost a staple in clean eating/ meal prep these days and always, you see bodybuilders and athletes with their chicken lunches and that’s just how they do. I have found different sources of protein and I roll with them, but I get so damn bored and I fall off meal prepping and go, rogue & I eat barely anything.
I really am going to try again, I failed tonight I was going to make enough dinner for lunch tomorrow- but tomorrow is another day and at some point, I am going to meal prep this coming weekend. I know I can do this, I know how badly I want the results. I have no problem with training, day in and out- I can smash those workouts with ease. Drinking enough water? Easy as pie (how is pie easy?) I drink 4-6L a day of water.
At the end of it, you gotta make sure you are doing what is right for you, you didn’t get fat overnight, so you won’t if you fuck up and eat 3 pieces of banana bread for dinner- I have NO idea who did that..
The point is, I really want to try again at the meal prepping and eating every few hours because I know that it makes me a better person, it makes me feel better and its better for me. I will totally write a blog in a month and confess if I was successful or if I didn’t do it.
So, this blog is to have accountability to myself to listen and eat and prep. Also, does anyone have anything they love to meal prep that doesn’t get super boring? What is your favorite meals and snacks to prep? Help a girl out a little- thanks!
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Self-love~ Health~ Change