Stop holding the ham like a baby

My son, LOVES water, I mean like if there is any water he is there, he puts it in little containers and his animals have water or its just there. There is a catch to this of course- he HATES getting wet. It can be interesting, and laundry becomes like mountains.

I’m ahead of time with this blog, for autism awareness day but with the holidays upcoming and my next week is busier than this one- I decided a good time as any.

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My son with autism, he can be the unexpected funniest person I have ever met, he can be the nightmare you wish you could wake up from, he can be a hurricane you wish you could run from- but god knows it would find you and take you down too.

There have been many nights wide awake, unable to sleep and need to get up 4500 times, for a drink, or a snack, or because he wants to make sure I am in fact still here (haven’t left yet kid, its been almost 6 years I think your good)

Honestly, I always knew something was different about him, from the time he was a baby, the baby days- I can’t believe we made it this far actually.

To any single moms out there faced with giving birth alone and raising a newborn with or without another child as well? I promise you got this, you can do this, might not be pretty but you can do this!

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Each year we get to his birthday and I celebrate his birthday of course but I also celebrate making it another year, not that we have a choice but it’s just a small victory from making it from the start.

He doesn’t want to grow up, he doesn’t understand it doesn’t matter if he is 5 or 55 he will always be my son. He assumes once you age past 5 that you’re grown up and lose your mom apparently. Nothing I say can convince him otherwise, in JK he wanted to grow up and be a tomato now he just wants to be five years old. The kid could be onto something, being an adult sucks ha-ha.

He used to be a runner, I still don’t trust him, but he would take off and run down the road without a care to anyone. Quite a few locks later I seem to have him contained. He can climb like a monkey, counters, tables, low roofs, ladders- nothing can stop him. Thankfully ABA helped to make him ask for things most of the time instead of scaling the cupboards to get what he wanted.

 

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^ this picture- I LOVE it because I have encountered several in the last few years,

“Oh he doesn’t look autistic are you sure?” I am sarcastic and sometimes mean esp when it comes to my boys, “Stupidity and Ignorance have no look either but here we are” – Some people don’t even get what I am saying which extends the stupidity.

I understand that most people who say “wow I could never do this- how do you do it?” Is sometimes meant as an innocent question or they think they are complimenting you. You just do it, that’s all there is to it, its too late for the firehouse drop off- he’s grown on me. 

Never allow my child to act like that, keep him at home & it’s your parenting.. Oh yes thank you, thank you so much, you expert. 

Yes, it could be worse, I am well aware that my son has progressed very well, he speaks, he is doing better than he was through therapy. However we still face our struggles, we still have meltdowns to handle and sensory issues. 

Recently someone mentioned to me, I should change up his diet, Autism will be cured or at least the symptoms and behaviors will be much less. I wish people without children would STFU, I also wish that people who don’t have first-hand knowledge of being elbow deep in cleaning up shit smearing, chasing a runner, or praying for your child to be able to communicate with you- if you haven’t been there? Just pretend to care or shut your piehole.

I once had an older man tell me in a store, during a meltdown. If you were any good of a parent he wouldn’t act this way, I am damn glad he isn’t my son. Well fuck sir I’m sure glad he isn’t your son either!

 

My ASD boy? No matter what is my hero, he lives so free, doesn’t give a shit how people think of him, and rolls with life pretty well- unless it involves some triggers. He inspires me daily. 

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This week he has regressed a bit, he has crapped on the floor twice. He felt I was upset and explained: “I sorry- it was only 2 times mommy not like ten!”

How do you parent with a straight face with these lines? You are frustrated as hell, I get it, I wrote an entire wrong PowerPoint today for class because he wouldn’t stop asking me questions, repeating Peppa pig (we haven’t watched it since last week why talk about it lol) but you can push through!

Another golden gem from this week, I bought a ham. I don’t know exactly why- I don’t have an Easter dinner, I had no reason, it just felt like a thing to do. I don’t even have both my kids for Easter, It’s my youngest and me and a pile of homework and housework and work. Yay!

However, I have this full ham in the fridge, Monday night I am writing out homework and he stands at my bedroom door demanding to know why we have a ham, why?! WHY do we need this? He is holding it like a baby- (Keep your face straight during this) he drops it, falls onto the floor thankfully in the package. “MOM WHY WE HAVE DIS?”

Me- maintaining as straight of a face as I possibly can. “Pick up the ham and put it in the fridge, stop holding it like a baby” I was dying laughing on the inside.

It’s those times you need to cling to when they whine when he is on the verge of a meltdown when you don’t know what he wants when he won’t eat anything but chicken nuggets. You hold onto those little laughs, those moments where the world stops, and you can relish in the laughter of what was prior to your close to breaking point.

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When he is sleeping beside me, as every night after I have finished the housework and the homework and the business work and laid down to get some sleep- he slips into my room and sleeps beside me- to “keep me safe” I look at him and know that him and his brother are my heart and soul outside of my body.

Knocking on wood right now, but this is the first-time change/ spring that so far, I haven’t received a black eye from him and his moods, though it could change, and I have felt the frustration and anger in his little body, but I hold hope we will have this milestone!

My son with autism is a vibrant soul, a beautiful mind, and a smile to brighten any room. I wouldn’t trade the world and its riches for anything to be different. He’s shown me how to be more excited about the little things in life, how to admire the clouds, the birds, the dirt, and bugs.

He’s given me lessons you don’t learn just anywhere, he’s given me the knowledge I couldn’t have learned without him. At the end of the day when I feel like I’m failing him. I really am not, I do my best that any mama can do, I do my best for my handsome boys, I do my best as a single mom, and hope and pray and do my best not to raise little ignorant boys because I want them to grow up and become a gentleman.

I thank the universe for making me be his mommy, sometimes I wonder why it thought I was so strong to do so! But I know we got this.

I love him to the moon and back again and couldn’t imagine my life any other way.

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To all the mamas out there, mamas of special needs, mama’s of ASD kiddos, single mama’s and all the other moms and dads I see you- If your questioning if you’re doing a good enough job? You are, you are doing your best and that is all we can give

Keep your head up & know that you got this.

 

 

Inspire another

Be The Inspiration

Self-Love~ Health ~ Change

 

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