Iron is my therapy, sure I attend therapy with a therapist and counseling with a wonderful woman who helps me sort through my memories and the past of shit.

Those people are great, and they are helping me, but they swirl up the memories, the thoughts and get my mind in a place where I don’t want it to stay.


So, iron is my therapy for everything, I’m sad- so low I could think about terrible thoughts, thoughts of ending everything and letting go of this burden I carry around on my shoulders, letting go and let everyone off the hook of giving a shit about me. Those terrible thoughts that cross my mind once a month or so? Yeah, I lift the shit out of those thoughts.

Many people state that working out, lifting, or changing their diet helped them, saved them from a health scare, a road to a better life and all those helped me as well. I mean you can’t lose 100 lbs and not have a different view on life. Weights? They saved my fucking life, more than once.

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When I’m angry and the fury that whirlwinds within? I lift, I lift for every occasion and because I just fucking love it.

I didn’t always lift, I use to only be a cardio bunny, cardio and hiit was my jam, I did it so much and so long, using body weight only. I did have a set of 8lb weights they were orange, I had a set of 15’s and barely used them. I believed the myths of getting “bulky” I believed my ex when he said I would look like a man.


The end of 2015 changed everything for me because I was stuck for so long and I wasn’t happy where I was or what I looked like. So, November 2015- January 2016 I did a bulk. It. Changed. My. Entire. Fucking. LIFE.

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I used the adjustable power blocks I have, they go from 2.5lbs to 50lbs per dumbbell. Game changer for sure, I haven’t stopped lifting since except for a few months during my last abusive relationship because he freaked on me so much and so often for looking like a man.

Got rid of him and the weights played the essential part in my life if this is what looks like a man means? Sure, I’ll take it.

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It’s more than lifting, it’s more than the iron. It means everything to me, it holds me together. It’s like the glue that holds this hot mess together. I couldn’t imagine a life where I didn’t lift. I am grateful that I can and will continue to hold that gratitude as well as lifting. It’s more than hitting the gym and lifting heavier than last week, it’s more than getting more reps than you did before, it’s so much more than the soreness I walk around with 6 days a week. Lifting makes me feel whole.

It’s my salvation from the thoughts within my mind, it’s the one constant I can always count on to be there. That’s another thing when you’re limited on friends and family and support from anyone. When you know what it is like to depend on only yourself? You find a constant that doesn’t give a shit about anything but if you lift it or not.

Those dumbbells, that bar, that rack, those plates in my garage? They aren’t ever going to lie to me, 100 lbs is a 100 lbs, doesn’t talk shit about you, doesn’t let you down. At the end of the workout your just better. They don’t talk about plans they have that never happen, they don’t promise you things and then bail. They are just there, to make me feel better, to make me push my limits, for me to take and love and better myself. They are just always going to be there, no matter what happens I know they will be there to support me.

I’m not only strong because I lift, I’m strong because no one can push me the fuck down, I always get back up, Always ready for another round of life.


I started researching and learning about powerlifting about 8 months ago, I have a lot more to learn, I have had some setbacks and I have asked a couple people more questions than they’d probably like to get but there have been 2 awesome people who help me out when I have questions about it.

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I haven’t jumped to crazy numbers but in my bench, squat and deadlift I can lift what I lost in weight and then some. Powerlifting gives me a sense of accomplishment, strength to overcome anything the bounces into my path and its slowly helping my patience. I have goals like everyone else does, and I have goals in powerlifting to reach certain numbers and to eventually go to meets and compete.

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I have no doubt that I will get there, but for now, I will just continue to do my best and love the fuck out of that iron.


Be a part of the inspiration

Self-love~ Health ~ Change

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