Beautiful Chaos

I had a late start today, I was up at six and then looked at my youngest asleep cuddled in my bed and said eff this and went back to sleep till 8:30, should have stayed up to slay the day but sometimes you just need to. I killed my workout and played building with my kid, and now I’m trying to write something that makes sense, and then I have mountains of homework and I suppose I will face the laundry that is in the dryer… it’s been there since Sunday.  I was going to write another myth research blog because I know there are so many more, however, my brain is fried out at the moment due to school finals. I also tend to stick to writing with how I feel.

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Coming to the end of my first year of school, I am happy! But it is also bittersweet, I had a teacher who made an impact on my life, truly believed in me and took the time out of her day to speak with me. I don’t have her in year two and it really has me sad. I know that I will kill the second year, but it has just been nice knowing someone held a belief in me. I’m antagonizing over the marks I have and currently at an 83.5% and I hate it, I wanted to do leaps better than last semester. It’s not over yet so I’ll see what I can accomplish.

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Being a single mom, it’s exhausting, you know when you want to do nothing and just chill? Yeah, that’s not a thing as a mom and it doesn’t happen when you are a single mom. It’s twice the work, twice the everything and no one to lean on. This gets hard when you spend the entire day with children, I love my boys to death, but spend an entire weekend doing homework with a little guy with autism and NO one else to physically talk to? Yeah, you will go crazy.

I knew already it was hard, fuck I’ve been a single mom for almost ten years. 4 years ago, I added in fitness and a lifestyle change, so I knew both would be hard, but you just roll with it and adapt.

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Then I started school full time in September 2017, I thought I had it all figured out, I made plans and steps prior to how I was going to do it all. Those plans didn’t stay long as I seem to do homework 28 hours of the day or, so it feels. There are good weeks where they aren’t filling them with anything which I personally feel is stupid as fuck. 15 weeks, 3 we won’t do shit, 3 more we will learn some crap, 1 we will cram everything as much as possible, 1 week off, 3 we’ll just kind of chill for a bit, 2 we’ll crank it up a bit and 2 more cram as much as possible.

I wonder if they do this as to make people better at multitasking? Handling pressure? I’m not sure yet. As a single mom? I got that covered, I can bathe someone while holding another kid, I can make dinner, do laundry and dishes all at once. Handle pressure? I can keep my shit together when a kid comes in the middle of the night unable to breathe from pneumonia, another rushed to the hospital for a collapsed lung, cleaning up another human’s shit and vomit. I got this believe me.

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However, in the crunch time of things, the midterms or the finals and when I have more going on than I can keep track of? I struggle.

I have never missed a workout, I have been in school almost 8 months and I have never ever missed a workout. This makes me proud af.

Housework suffers greatly, I really thought I’d be fine, but I am not, so my house is sometimes crazy, sometimes my oldest cleans up the best he can, the toys are everywhere, I do dishes like once a week (we eat on paper plates) and I eat mostly out of Tupperware because meal prep life.

Laundry has literally been the worst part, I have 2 loads in the dryer and laundry room to go away from a week ago, and now it’s fucking time to do laundry again!

I know they say you can’t parent well if your cup is empty. However, mine is basically always empty and I keep pushing onward.

Then I decided I would open a business and start a clothing line, because like I clearly didn’t have enough going on that I needed to add more. As well as therapy and counseling, although clinical therapy got to be too much and was affecting my studies, I put it on hold until I am done the semester, I didn’t want to, but my grades are more important to me than therapy right now.

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If anyone else is faced with single parenting, you got this, I know how hard it is.

I know sometimes you feel like you are failing, that you aren’t enough for your child (ren), but I PROMISE that you are if you’re putting their needs a bit above yours? You are fine, your kids don’t need things, stuff, crap, expensive toys- they need you so the time you get with them? Quality over quantity. I promise you got this.

My fitness parents out there single or not, bravo for putting your health on the list if importance, I know it can get hard.

Single parents or parents back in school full time? I know how hard it is and I know that you feel sometimes like you can’t do it all. But it will get better, it gets a little easier like a smidge so don’t expect mountains.

Parents with a special needs kid or kids? I see you, I know the pain you feel and how hard it gets.

Anyone who is a single parent, full-time student, fitness addict and handles special need requirements? I feel you, 100%, I feel we got this, I mean it must be possible or else we wouldn’t be able to keep going.

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Tips I have?

Remember your why! Why you do all of these things.

Prioritize, list your things in a ranking list and stay on it.

Mine currently looks like this

Kids

Fitness

School

Business

Social

Housework

 

Be willing to bend a bit and give up on things.

I had too lax my rigidity on house cleaning because I couldn’t keep up. It’s not like disgusting it’s just more cluttery than I would like. I gave up on a social life basically because it’s too hard.

 

Time management and lists

I have tons of lists and people make fun of me, but whatever I know everything that is due when it is due, and I have it done, I go week by week and day by day. I have a long list every fucking day, but I push hard to get it done. Time management sucks, its like ok if I never go on social media I will have time to do everything plus some.

I limit my social media because I just don’t have the time to do it all,

Just want to let you know there is hope and its possible.

 

Inspire another- be a part of the inspiration today

Self-love~ Health~ Change

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