The Intimidating Climb

FearisALiar

I have taken about two weeks away from blogging, business interaction, social media. I was falling down in a dark hole and had to take a step back. I’m back now and focusing on the energy that I can dedicate to this as opposed to pouring my entire self into it. I think in some cases that can work great for some people, I have been told and read to put my everything into my business and the content I put out.

Honestly? I tried, I really did but it wasn’t just the business and keeping up with social media, blogging and posting constantly. I had started training twice a day, I had the kids home with me fulltime, many things happened at once, and it swallowed me whole.

This blog is about the fears we choose to face, honestly fear has held me back from so many things. It still does in the food world, but I’m learning what fear really is, it’s just in your fucking mind; to overcome its how badly you want to succeed, how much you want to prove to yourself that you can, in fact, do what you are afraid of doing.

Within the last two weeks, I have done a couple things to face fears I had.

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My first is the Mudmoiselle 5k Mud run, I don’t think you fully get over the fear of doing it, this year was my third time, you know what you are going into more so than a first timer. This year was very different from the others, this year I was asked to leave the course halfway through by a medic. “Absolutely Fucking Not” was my response, I aim to finish these every time and so far I’m 3 for 3.

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Except this time I was going into it with lingering heat stroke from the previous weekend, this time I had medics follow me for the rest of the course, this time I don’t remember the end, this time I don’t remember crossing the finish line, I only remember trying very hard to stay conscious on the medic’s table and my best friend telling me to blink and breathe. The hardest part of this years had nothing to do with the course, the obstacles, getting severe heat stroke and going into shock. The hardest part of that day? Was just staying conscious so I wouldn’t have to go to the hospital. I lived, I’m here and it forced me to take 5 days off of the gym.

 

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The second thing I faced my fear of, was taking my kids on a trip. To an unknown to me big city, by myself. I had saved for this trip for awhile, I had planned for months, planning is great but nothing ever goes as planned esp if you add a couple kids into the mix. I booked and set things up, I was scared as fuck, I won’t even lie- I almost canceled more than once because I was so scared.

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However, I have a handful of things I live by and work hard at teaching my kids these things. The only things in life that matter as the person you are? Is your work ethic, your word, and your character. They need to know if you are going to give your word? You need to do whatever you said you would- seems that lacks a lot these days with people and it shouldn’t have been something that ever faded away. Same as having a great character and having a great work ethic, seems everyday assholes are just leaving these things in the past when we really need them more than ever.

My word? to those kids? no question, If I make a promise to either kid or both? I will go to the end of the world before I will ever break that promise.

I rested for two days after my heat stroke/shock/feel-like-dying thing than I packed us up, we took the train to Toronto. I did get lost twice, my GPS maps decided it would be a great time to stop working! We went to the aquarium and did some groceries and then I was too nervous to use the subway/transit and I had the funds to use Uber so we did that. ( Also Uber is fucking amazing and I wish they had it here)

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I booked a hotel for 2 nights and 3 days, we got there and ate and then went swimming there, the kids were so happy. We learned something in sharing a room, my youngest is squirmy AF, I shared a bed with him and he thought he owned the damn bed, I need to sleep with the tv on as background noise- my oldest? yeah, he can’t sleep with background noise lol. It was an interesting first late night sleep.

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The second day we went to the Toronto Zoo, it was an amazing day. Long, lots of walking, hot, but amazing. My oldest really stepped up and helped me with the youngest. He helped carry our picnic stuff, drinks and never complained about the walk! It was my favorite day, I haven’t been to the Toronto zoo in over 20 years, We got to see the grizzly bears eat, both boys got to see their favorite animals, we took many breaks, maybe we got lost twice but we had an amazing day. After we were done at the zoo we went back to the hotel, we took a walk after dropping off our stuff, for dinner and to see the city. We were able to go swimming for a bit and had a little bit of a better sleep. Checked out and went to the beach for the day, we weren’t able to swim because of health advisory but we played in the sand, had a picnic, and played at the park. It was definitely an early night the night we came home, we all slept about 10 hours lol.

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Here’s the thing, I FUCKING DID IT! I went to the strange city even though I was scared shitless, I took my kids and hit tons of firsts for my youngest, sure he had some meltdowns, raged out and had some sensory issues, but I handled them. We did it, we fucking did it, and the kids? They never saw my fear, they didn’t know that I was scared AF, they didn’t know that I assumed we would get lost forever lol, they thanked me lots and I hear they think I’m pretty awesome.

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It gave me a sense of strength, in knowing that I did this, that I was able to do this on my own, that I actually did it.

Fear man, it can eat you alive, it can make you doubt everything you want to do because you are afraid of taking that leap, taking that step in the right direction.

We all have something we’d like to change, deep down what you think about that you don’t tell anyone about. Things that we would like to change about ourselves, our lives, our outlook. It takes looking fear in the face, whatever that may look like for you and just jump, just fucking doing it!

My birthday was yesterday, I think I’ll just stay 32 from here on out lol. I asked my oldest to draw me a picture and add color, here’s the thing about him, he is an awesome artist, he drew all my favorite animals better than I could have done.

I know biased here but I am also not that mom who keeps all the artwork and tells them that things are great when they are not. I only hang up hard work, I only frame effort and pictures that look like dedication was put into it, Otherwise, I recycle.

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Face a fear, take that step, take that leap- it’s worth it

Be the inspiration

Self -Love~ Health~ Change

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